Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login

:iconravenrunner: More from ravenrunner

Featured in Collections

Literature by outRAGEousConcepts

Literature by Dreamgifter

Opinions, Humor, Satire, and Controversial Stuff by HeldUpInTheAir

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
February 3, 2011
File Size
5.0 KB


404 (who?)

1. Study Finds Sentences Contain Actual Words!
YES: This is a beautiful picture. You did an excellent job!
NO: OMG!! sooo pwetty!
You can only get away with this if your name happens to be Elmer Fudd. If your name is Elmer Fudd, go back to hunting wabbits; you're not much more successful as an author.

2. If I say "thank you," the appropriate response is "you're welcome," NOT "your welcome." Please stop making this mistake. Your grammar is the reason I drink.

3. Most web-browsers come with a built-in spell check. If you post a misspelled word (especially in a comment), you really weren't paying attention to what you said at all, and it probably would have been better for you to stay silent. (See 9.)

4. If you're going to use emoticons, you can just as easily use the deviantART emoticons. If you don't know the commands for some of the more original ones, find a friend's profile and click on "Send a Note." Down at the bottom right hand corner of the new message box, there's a link that says "Emoticon Legend." Here you can find the text commands for every emoticon authorized by dA. There are enough for you to hold entire conversations with, so don't be shy! I'm tired of having to turn my head sideways to understand you.

5. When referring to yourself, you must capitalize the pronoun "I." This also includes saying "I'm," "I've," "I'd," and "I'll." Please also remember your apostrophes. Otherwise, im afraid ill have to hurt you (see how stupid that looks?)

6. If you're leaving a quick comment, you don't necessarily have to capitalize the first letter of each sentence; just be sure to leave a period so we know where one thought stops and the next one begins. But if you're submitting actual literature, please capitalize! It makes your work look more thought out and serious and less like the random brain farts of a twelve year old girl.

7. "Though" is not hard to type. It only takes three fingers total (on a standard QWERTY keyboard), so you're not really saving any extra effort by typing "tho" (which also takes three fingers.) And on the plus side, you appear to know basic English, even if you're just faking it!

8. "LOL." I have nothing to say about this. If you want to use it, go ahead. But be warned: capitalizing it doesn't prove your point any more than leaving it in lower case. It just makes you look like a dumbass.

9. If you don't have anything to say, it's better not to say anything. Sometimes a ":+fav:" says more than a comment ever could. "It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."   –Mark Twain

10. "Awesome" is an overused term. How about something a little more original, like "grand," "breathtaking," "splendid," "tremendous," "remarkable," "amazing," "awe-inspiring," "astounding," or "humbling"? A personal favorite of mine is "shiny." Be creative! Or use a thesaurus; they're basically the same thing. SPECIAL NOTE: "Awesomeness," while technically a word, is even worse than "awesome."

11. Spell "like" appropriately! Unless you're one of those f***ing cats, it should not be spelled "liek dis!"

12. "Let's eat Mom." "Let's eat, Mom." Commas are here for your protection. Use them wisely.

13. Please take the extra half-second to type out "you" and not "u." This also applies to "are" versus "r." It was cute when you were four, but if you're old enough to use the Internet, you're old enough to use big-kid words.

14. English has only one definite article: "the." This makes it the most commonly used word in the language. You have no excuse for typing "teh" instead of "the." It's not cute, it's moronic.

15. If you did it correctly once, you can do it correctly again. If you want to use five exclamation points (when one would probably work fine), then make sure they all get in there. Typing "cool!!111" just makes it look like you don't know how to use a keyboard.

16. It's "must've" (a contraction of "must have") NOT "must of." Come on people, that doesn't even make any sense!

17. May whatever God you pray to help you if you write "uv."

Americans (and our English friends across the pond), when we can't even be bothered to write our own language properly, the other people of the world laugh at us! When they can write in better English than we can, it makes us look like a bunch of jackasses! It is time to take our language back from the hands of Internet stupidity, and once again write with fluency and pride!

NOTE: The author of this text is a human, not a hypocrite. He claims to have done a thorough job in checking his own work, but he is fallible (and we are working on that). If at any time a mistake is noticed, please inform him. He will either correct it or he won't, largely depending on his mood.
Okay, I don稚 want a whole bunch of stupid comments on this, so let me be clear: I知 not trying to offend anybody. I realize that not everybody speaks English, and I知 not asking everyone to learn. I知 learning Spanish right now, so I know how hard it is to learn another language.

This largely for all of the idiots out there who submit work into literature without proof-reading, or for those who leave poorly-worded comments.

EDIT: Yes, I may add more as they come to me. Due to sheer volume, I'm afraid I won't be able to thank everyone personally for adding this to their favorites or collections, so thank you in advance!
Add a Comment:
SweetKiraNZ Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014
I agree people should use correct spelling and punctuation if they can. But some of my keyboard key's like 'G' 'H" 'backspace' and " ' " did not work. Until I got a new keyboard. People thought I was just being lazy. 
Philosophy-Fox Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Haha; 'Lets eat Mom!'. It never gets old, I must say. Anyways, great guide, it was certainly humorous to read, as well as quite true in the sense that many 'smart' Americans choose to speak the way that people like me, or you, hate. Nevertheless, insulting scripts are some of the best.
ravenrunner Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
LOBIKA Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
LOBIKA Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Kaiju-popsicle Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2011  Student General Artist
Perfect Grammar is my favorite thing in the world, besides Pocky and Nutella(and Transformers, but we are not going there right now), especially when coupled with a vast and sophisticed vocabulary. You know what's even better?! Every word is spelled correctly. I applaud you, good sir!
ravenrunner Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2011
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it.
Yereton Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This is better than any literature I've read today. I've only read two today, but that's beside the point :P. I'm totally favouriting this!

P.S: Is favouriting a word? My spell check doesn't think so. :shrug:
ravenrunner Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2011
Thanks! I don't think favouriting is a word, but since this is deviantArt, I think it's just fine.
mechwarrior3 Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This is fantastic! Thank you for putting this up. :D
Add a Comment: